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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichoti…

Trichotillomania (pronounced /ˌtrɪkəˌtɪləˈmniə/ trik-ə-til-ə-may-nee, also known as trichotillosis or hair pulling disorder) is the compulsive urge to pull out (and in some cases, eat) one's own hair leading to noticeable hair loss, distress, and social or functional impairment. It appears in the DSM-V chapter on obsessive-compulsive and related disorders and is often chronic and difficult to treat.[1]
Trichotillomania is usually confined to one or two sites,[1] but can involve multiple sites. The scalp is the most common pulling site, followed by the eyebrows, eyelashes, face, arms, and legs.[3] Some less common areas include the pubic area, underarms, beard, and chest.[5] The classic presentation is the "Friar Tuck" form of vertex and crown alopecia.[6] Children are less likely to pull from areas other than the scalp.

Ok, so... yeah, about all this.
When I was 14 I met Bal, right? Well when I was 15 a lot of stress started and it just piled up and got worse slowly. Recently, since I've turned 16, and even more so since I've turned 17, it'd been building up a LOT more all at once.
Since I was 15 I've started pulling at my eyelashes. That was when I was getting stress from having feelings for Bal and having to hide them and sneak around trying to tell him I loved him. Which has been going on for 3 years, give or take the last few months when I was still 14 and hadn't turned 15 yet.
Since then, I haven't been able to stop. it's not a matter of doing it all day everyday, but at first I had really really beautiful, thick, black, pretty lashes. Then about a few mins every week or two I'd be plucking at them. It got harder and harder to control it after a while, and eventually it got to where all the lashes on the front of my lid would be gone, but the bottom lid and sides of the lid would either be left alone, or just a little thin. 
Now I've gotten a little better, and I've almost gone 2 months without touching at them. Even though more stress from my family and working towards what I wanna do has been giving me anxiety attacks.
Also keep in mind, it was when I was 15 that I had food poisoning, and I had too many meds in the hospital. (I'm sensitive to them, and I didn't know it till after that.) They gave me depressants, and it took a long time to get over their effects both physically and mentally. They did their job: they made me feel depressed. I had panic attacks and emotional breakdowns, I was overly nervous, I didn't know what was going on with myself, and felt generally really awful.

Basically, to sum things up (sorry but I typed a lot, and then lost it and yea T T)
I got more and more anxiety attacks and played more with my bangs, and I can go almost two months without pulling my lashes, but it's harder when I don't have my glasses to help me not do that, and long story short, my dad thinks I look perttier without them, so since I've stopped wearing them around him, not wearing them is a habit, and my eyelashes and eyesight are both getting worse, and it's really hard for me to get through that AND having this mental disorder right now. My parents are the kind of people to say I'm being silly, and don't really have all of this, and would neither want, nor would have the time or money to get me proper help, so other than my online frinds that I'll be seeing less of, I'll be on my own with all this.
I'm not saying I have it as bad as people who are raped, or killed, or anything like that, but... Regardless of faith and religion, would you just mind praying for me? =3 <3<3<3 

And, yes, it does, oddly enough, NOT hurt when I pull out my lashes, and no, I can NOT control twirling my bangs. Most of the time my hands are busy since I'm an artist, but sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it, and sometimes I will be working on some kind of art, and just stop, and sit for half an hour messing with them, and not even notice the whole time.
Side note btw, I don't pull out all my lashes. I only get the fronts of my top lids. I pulled at one of my eyebrows once but it wasn't really bad. Still, remembering how pretty my lashes used to look makes looking at them now hard. I don't usually cry over it, but it's very frustrating. I want to look pretty for people I love and will come to love, and it's embarrassing. And as Beckie said, it's not like it's falling out on it's own, it's myself that's doing it. So that makes it even harder. Especially when people like my grandma lecture me about it, and my dad makes fun of it. (Yes, it's old news that my dad is a butt hole, trust me. Most of my anxiety attacks stem from my parents.)

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Rachel
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:iconkeight:
keight Featured By Owner 1 day ago
Thank you for the fave.
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:icongodsgirlrachel:
GodsGirlRachel Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're welcome =3
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:iconjackie-chaos-bunny:
Jackie-Chaos-Bunny Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave!
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:icongodsgirlrachel:
GodsGirlRachel Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
welcome! ^^
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:icontran-quility:
Tran-Quility Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
angel in blue jeans, help its reminds me of alexander and maribelles momther [falls on face] 
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:icongodsgirlrachel:
GodsGirlRachel Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wait is that a song I um *helps u up* *dusts u off*
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:icontran-quility:
Tran-Quility Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
[falls again] YES I T  IS    i can li nk u it or note u the lyrics or smth b u t 
frick 
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:icongodsgirlrachel:
GodsGirlRachel Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
YEEE note me the lyrics and I will listen to it soon
till then
STOP FALLING *DUSTS U AGAIN*
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(1 Reply)
:icontran-quility:
Tran-Quility Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
zexionfangirl123.deviantart.co… [throws this at you] i thought of uuuu
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:icongodsgirlrachel:
GodsGirlRachel Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh

well
i
thats nice
rolls around screams into pillow
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